Space, The Final Frontier . . .

. . . left unsullied by stupid perfume advertising.

Alas, no more:

Genki Wear Star Trek Perfume - A trio of scents from the final frontier
There are three fragrances planned for 2009 with the monikers "Tiberius" "Red Shirt" and "Ponn Farr."

Tiberius
The Tiberius cologne, named in honor of the Mirror Universe James T. Kirk’s challenges users to "Boldly Go" with a perfume described as being spiked with "notes of freshness and sensuality.

Red Shirt
Genki’s "Red Shirt" cologne (whose tag line "Because Tomorrow May Never Come" is priceless) celebrates the sacrifices of those often nameless crew of the USS Enterprise. Described appropriately as a cologne for those with a "devotion to living each day as it could be your last" the cologne has top notes of green mandarin, bergamot, and lavender, with base notes of leather and grey musk.

Pon Farr
The most risqué titled of the new Star Trek fragrances is "Ponn Farr" which is a perfume designed to "drive him wild." It should only be used once every seven years (okay, that isn’t true). Named for the Vulcan mating ritual first introduced in the episode "Amok Time," this perfume is one of the newly designed products meant to appeal to female fans.

You have to see the picture of the Red Shirt fragrance on the site. Note the crosshairs. I can't believe this is real. What is the Trek universe coming too?

Breakthrough in Medical Research

An enduring mystery of the human body has been solved. Where does belly button lint comes from? A Fox News article sums up the research:

'Abdominal hair is mainly responsible for the accumulation of navel lint,' proclaims Steinhauser in the abstract to his paper, presented in the online version of the journal Medical Hypotheses. 'Therefore, this is a typically male phenomenon. The abdominal hair collects fibers from cotton shirts and directs them into the navel where they are compacted to a felt-like matter.'

"Typically male?" What are you trying to say about men?

That's in keeping with a medium-scale Australian study cited by London's Daily Telegraph, which found that the average bearer of navel lint was "a slightly overweight middle-aged male with a hairy abdomen." . . . The hair's scales act like a kind of barbed hooks. . . . Abdominal hair often seems to grow in concentric circles around the navel.

That passage makes my belly button sound a little like the "all-powerful Sarlacc" from Return of the Jedi. As a slightly overweight, middle-aged man with a hairy abdomen, I can confirm that I do, indeed, collect belly button lint . . . let me rephrase that. Lint collects in my belly button. Don't worry, Becky, I'm not saving up to knit a sweater, or make flannel board characters, or anything weird like that.

Maybe if I comb some of those "concentric circles" another direction . . . hmmm . . . something to think about.

(Someone should nominate this for an IgNobel prize, if it hasn't been nominated already)

Fight The System

Finally, a Harmless Jihad . . . or . . . Why Bilingual Education is Important

Thank you FailBlog.org

One Man's Crap is Another Man's Treasure

Imagine spending seven years collecting rare specimens in the jungle to help write your doctorate dissertation -- only to have the university cleaning crew throw your collection away.

This happened to poor Daniel Bennett of Leeds University in the UK. The Daily Mail has the story here.

The odd thing is what he spent 7 years collecting:

A university has apologised to a scientist for throwing away his treasured collection of lizard [feces].

Graduate biologist Daniel Bennett, who spent seven years combing inhospitable jungles to amass his unique hoard, was told the 77lb bag had been thrown out during a lab clear-out. . .

Leeds University bosses admitted the gaffe, saying in a statement: 'The loss of these samples was an unfortunate mistake. They were thrown away in error because they were in an unmarked bag.'

My first thought was "lizard what?" followed closely by "seven years?!?!" followed by "77 LBS!!!"

What a load of crap! . . . Literally! Mr. Bennett was really upset:

Mr Bennett said: 'To some people it might have been just a bag of lizard s***, but to me it represented seven years of painstaking work searching the rainforest with a team of reformed poachers to find the [feces] of one of the world's largest, rarest and most mysterious lizards.'

'Whether it was the largest collection of lizard s*** in the world is uncertain. . . [but] Its loss left me reeling and altered the course of my life forever,' he told the Times Higher Education Supplement.

Mr Bennett said he had turned down an offer of £500 in compensation by the university and intended to 'see them in court'.

I sympathize with both sides here. I have a doctorate, and would have really been upset had anyone destroyed my materials while I was working on it. . . .

On the other hand, what is a cleaning crew supposed to do when they find an unmarked 77lb bag of crap sitting in a laboratory?

I think the lesson we can learn from this is two-fold:

• First: One man's crap really is another man's treasure, and
• Second (and of admittedly limited utility for most of us) Always, and I mean always, clearly and legibly label your giant bags of crap.

If this post saves even one giant bag of rare animal droppings from being thrown out, then all my work will have been worth it.

PS: Not to worry, the university says he will get his degree on time

Putin's Genius

I read a very insightful article today on how Vladimir Putin's totalitarianism can survive when so many others have failed.

The author points out the one crucial difference which seems to make his rule palatable to ordinary Russians. I think he is absolutely correct. It's a thought I've had floating around in my head for a while.

People are often more tolerant of Government interference in big things than in little ones.

The new czar saw that most human beings don't care who governs them, as long as the government minds its own business. And if the ruler can revive the illusion of national power, so much the better.

In my way of thinking, this is a symptom of all forms of socialism, and part of what make socialism attractive to so many. Wants are supplied, and all that's required politically is to do nothing.

The author characterizes the unspoken bargain Putin has struck with the Russian people as:

"I get the political power, you get material progress and social freedoms. Behave in the streets, and I'll stay out of your sheets."

Do what you want on your own time in your own home, and the government will leave you alone, but the "commanding heights" of the political and economic life of the nation are off limits. Wear what you want, say what you want to your friends, buy the nice products we import for you, and be content. Protesting, public criticism, political opposition - these are signs of ingratitude and threaten the status quo.

Shamelessly cynical, Putin goes through the stage-managed forms of democracy. He even permits scripted media criticism of the state (though not of himself).

But there are limits to the new totalitarianism's tolerance. You can call Putin a baboon-butt monkey-boy over the vodka bottle at your kitchen table - but don't do it in public.

Cross that line and you are, literally, dead. A deal's a deal.

Amen

A great article in the UK Daily Mail today on the true motivations of a segment of the environmental movement.

Jonathon Porritt, the [UK] Government's 'green' adviser, has said that couples who have more than two children are being 'irresponsible' by creating an unbearable burden on the environment.

Curbing population growth through contraception and abortion must therefore be at the heart of policies to fight man-made global warming.

Apparently this is all because people have to accept responsibility 'for their total environmental footprint'.

That's what having children amounts to, apparently, in his mind.

The blessings of a large family and the contribution this makes to prosperity and progress don't figure at all. Instead, children are to be measured solely by their burdensome impact on the planet.

What kind of sinister and dehumanised mindset is this? It is no coincidence that the country which comes nearest to Jonathon's ideal society is Communist China, which imposed a murderously cruel policy of restricting families to one child apiece. For the desire to reduce the number of children that parents produce is innately totalitarian.

I can't say it any better.

Read the rest of it here.

Common Sense . . . Almost

I was reading about the California Woman who just gave birth to octuplets. The poor lady had 6 kids already.

It seems like the media has no shortage of advice and criticism for her. Some stories imply that any sane person would have aborted several of the babies, others wonder about a possible breach of medical ethics by the doctor who implanted 8 embryos in the first place.

I'm glad she didn't abort them, I do wonder about the doctor though. Fox news tries to at least be helpful

"Eating, sleeping and bathing are the key areas to get scheduled," he said. "The same goes for mom and dad. Parents need to make sure they're whole or else they won't be valuable to their children."

Good, so far so good, just good common sense, but then common sense seems to go right out the window:

Sophy said the expense of raising 14 children will likely be prohibitive, citing studies that estimate it costs roughly $2.5 million to raise a child to adulthood. Using that math, raising 14 children would cost roughly $35 million.

"And that's basic stuff," he said. "That doesn't include swimming lessons and things like that. It's very costly and hopefully the planning that needs to be done was done upfront."

What the heck? 2.5 million dollars? For one child? Who won't even know how to swim? I don't even have to think to know that that is patently absurd.

If your family makes $100,000 a year and spends every penny on only one child for 20 years that's still only 2 million dollars. Throw in a $100,000 college education, and another $100,000 for law school, and you're still not there.

Common sense should tell you that many people who don't earn 2.5 million dollars in their lifetime successfully raise children to adulthood. For example, the median income in the U.S. is about $50,000. that median earner will need 50 years to make 2.5 million. Obviously it doesn't cost them 2.5 million to raise one child.

The reporter makes matters worse by simply regurgitating the number and then calculating that it will take 35 million dollars to raise the 14 children in the family.

Absolutely ridiculous.

Would You Visit This Family Therapist?

I ran across this story a while ago, but all the papers are running updates on it today. A woman in San Diego is trying to pay for a Master's degree.

So far, so good. It's how she's raising the money that's unusual. In order to pay for a degree in Marriage and Family Therapy, she's auctioning off her virginity. Talk about a mental disconnect somewhere. Who is going to listen to a marriage therapist with that in her past? I can only imagine the conversation:

Husband: I work and slave, and she socks all my money away in the bank.
Wife: I'm just trying to save for Missy's college.
Husband: Missy should earn the money!
Wife: How? She's only one year away from starting school.
Therapist: hmmmm . . . . . I have an idea!

But that's not all. She has bids of more than 2.5 million British pounds! I have no idea what to make of that. But I do know where she got the idea - according to the article, her older sister paid for grad school by working for 3 weeks as a prostitute in Nevada.

Nice. What a great example for her sister.

Happy 8th Anniversary Sweetheart!

Today is the 8th anniversary of me somehow fooling the most wonderful, worthy, capable woman in the world into marrying me. I certainly have no regrets. I married far above my station. Everything I've achieved since then has been because of Becky's influence. I was going to do a list of all the eventful things we've done together , but that would be REALLY nerdy and unromantic, and since I'm nerdy and unromantic the other 364 days of the year, I though I'd try something new.

Since Becky blogged me a sonnet, I'm going to return the favor:

So oft have I invoked thee for my Muse
And found such fair assistance in my verse
As every alien pen hath got my use
And under thee their poesy disperse.
Thine eyes that taught the dumb on high to sing
And heavy ignorance aloft to fly
Have added feathers to the learned's wing
And given grace a double majesty.
Yet be most proud of that which I compile,
Whose influence is thine and born of thee:
In others' works thou dost but mend the style,
And arts with thy sweet graces graced be;
But thou art all my art and dost advance
As high as learning my rude ignorance.

So, Happy Anniversary to you, my muse, my friend, my inspiration, my wife. Thank you for giving my life "double majesty" I look forward to many, many more years of fun.

Love, Chris